b/w - again! - about us

So I went for a blood test today to fiind out my beta numbers. No surprise awaits me though, I know it's a BFN. I've been home testing for 5 days. At this point though I've finally almost completely stopped crying. I'm not sure why this one hit me so hard - maybe because I was so much more hopeful this time than I've ever been...

Our history

April 2004 met DH - He was 38, I was 40, and we fell in love! He has two older children that live with their mother - relations are strained.

November 2004 - We're engaged!

October 2005 - Beautiful autum wedding - the wedding of my dreams, where I married my best friend and the love of my life!

November 2006 - DH had vasectomy reversed

2006 - 5 IUI's with OB/GYN

2007 - Moved on RE, and IVF and donor eggs

July 2007 - IVF - BFP, m/c @ 5 weeks

September 2007 - DSS (14) moves in with us

November 2007 - IVF - BFN

Feb 2008 - FET - BFN

December 2008 - BFN

In the meantime we've also been turned down by two different agencies for adoption and been told we're not eligible for surrogate (at least through my RE) because they can't find a medical reason why I can't carry.

I've had more tests, b/w and consultations then I've ever thought about. I've heard the term "advanced maternal age" until I'm ready to throw up. Yet my DH and I aren't old... at least we don't feel old - God knows we don't act old (or should I say mature!)



I never thought it would be so hard for two good people to start a family.