BFN - really

So it didn't work. I woke up at three in the morning on Saturday and couldn't sleep - so I tested - BFN. I came back to bed and couldn't sleep so I turned on the TV - and cried. Bart was wonderful - he stayed awake with me for most of the night even though I kept watching chick flicks and crying. I was devistated - even though I previously tested. There's a finality and foreverness about this time that hit me very hard. (I kept saying it was a vast conspiracy - I tried to keep the TV on light romance or anything that did not have babies on it - but yet I was watching a home improvement show and they announced it was for a "new mom" - it's been a running joke for a couple of days - ever since we were watching Orange County Chopper and they announced that one of the guys wives was pregnant with twins!) I've been finally able to turn my hopes to being a foster parent - we may look at domestic adoption too - either way we need the home study that we're waiting to have scheduled.