Impatient Control Freak

Hi, my name is Teri and I'm a control freak

Since admitting it is half the battle, I'll finally admit it. I'm impatient, I'm a control-freak and I'm having a very difficult time waiting for the slow hand of God. After the years of spending money and time trying to concieve, we're planning to adopt, but we have to wait. The foster system requires nine-weeks of classes and they have yet to be scheduled. We're told they will "probably" be scheduled in April - but we haven't heard anything. It's killing me! Since I need to do something, I spend my time looking at photos of children that are waiting to be adopted, adoption websites, blogs of parents who have fostered or adopted... but most of it is not helping (although the blogs do.) It kills me that so much comes down to money. If we had tons of money we could hire a surrogate and have a lot of control over the situation (not all - but a lot). If we had less money - but still quite a bit - we could do domestic adoption and have some control (not much, but some.) But because we spent our money TTC, we need to wait for the foster system and we have no control... Hopefully our finances will be recouped shortly - but by then, we'll have completed our homestudy with the state. After a certain period of time (we think six months, we'll learn more when we attend classes) the homestudy becomes "ours" so we can take it to a private adoption agency. So the plan is that we'll pursue the foster-care system and see if this is God's plan. If by the time the homestudy becomes free we have not had a placement from DCYF, then we'll pursue the adoption through an agency or surrogacy. But in the meantime I have to continue to learn the lessons God has apparently been trying to teach me througout my adult-life. That I need to trust Him and wait on Him and that is all I need to be doing...