Fostering

So we have completed all the forms, the training, the tests and the home studies and we should be licensed! We had asked not to get a placement until August to accomodate a pre-planned vacation. So within a week or so (we hope) we will be anticipating each phone call hoping it will be the announcement of our baby! We've been preparing the nursery (used to be the office - which we've relegated to the basement!) This weekend we'll repaint one wall - we're adding navy strips to a yellow wall. It's getting exciting!!

Plans

So I haven't updated in a while - in fact I was very surprised at how long it's been.

When I last posted I had been contact by two wonderful women, one who offered to share her cycle with me so I'd have donor eggs and one that offered to be a surrogate. After careful consideration we've decided not to accept the kind offer of the surrogate. We spent weeks e-mailing, but she had had three c-sections and I was worried about her health with the next pregnancy - it's one thing to carry you own baby and accept the risks, but it's something else to take on those risks while carrying someone else's baby. We are still planning to do a shared cycle with my friend and have an phone consultation next week with her doctor. So we will have embryos and just need to find a surrogate to carry our baby. God is so good. A couple weeks ago a friend volunteered to by our surrogate! We have a long ways to go and we have agreed that both parties will think about it and when we have the finances to continue, we'll discuss things.

On another front, we've begun our foster-care classes. I'm very excited to begin this process, but nervous too. But both Bart and I feel that this is God's will for us.

So things are moving!

JUST 2 THINGS





Two names you go by


1. Teri


2. Therese





Two things you're wearing now:


1. Jeans


2. Brown sweather





Two things you would want in a relationship:


1. Honesty


2. Humor





Two of your favorite things to do:


1. Spend time with my family and friends


2. Garden





Two things you want very badly at the moment:


1. To be have a baby


2. To be able to come up with the money for the shared risk program





Two things you did yesterday:


1. Slept


2. Watched Twilight





Two things you ate yesterday:


1. Turkey Salad Sandwich


2. Peanut M&M's





Two people you last talked to:


1. My Husband


2. My Step-son





Two things you're doing tomorrow:


1. Making Turkey Soup


2. Going to work





Two favorite holidays:


1. Thanksgiving


2. Christmas





Two favorite beverages:


1. Diet Coke


2. Wine





Two people no longer alive that you'd like to talk to:


1. My mother


2. My father





Two people you are tagging to fill this out:


1. Daniela


2. Kristen

Some changes

So I haven't blogged about it, but it seems that God has been working ... in the same week I was contacted by two different women on two different boards, both with incredible offers to help us in our search for a family. One woman wanted to be a surrogate for us and another wanted to "share" a cycle - effectively becoming egg donor. After much prayer and thought we turned down the surrogate (thank you L - you're wonderful) unfortunately she had already had three c-sections - I just felt that health wise there were too many concerns. But we have accepted the wonderful offer from K to be share her cycle. She's a wonderful woman and I'm thrilled that she'd share her eggs with us. We plan to keep the embryos frozen until we can afford and arrange a surrogate (not too long - maybe six-nine months depending on the economy.) We still have many obstacles, but we have a new plan. (It changes often huh!! Just trying to keep up at this point!) We're still pursuing foster care - the classes have been scheduled and will begin April 28th. If we get a placement, we'll love the child for as long as God allows them to stay in our care - if that's forever - then we'd be forever blessed. But we'll still pursue the surrogacy as well. That way if forever is only a year, hopefully we'll have another blessing on the way to help ease the pain. That's the plan for now - stay tuned - you never know what God has in store!

Impatient Control Freak

Hi, my name is Teri and I'm a control freak

Since admitting it is half the battle, I'll finally admit it. I'm impatient, I'm a control-freak and I'm having a very difficult time waiting for the slow hand of God. After the years of spending money and time trying to concieve, we're planning to adopt, but we have to wait. The foster system requires nine-weeks of classes and they have yet to be scheduled. We're told they will "probably" be scheduled in April - but we haven't heard anything. It's killing me! Since I need to do something, I spend my time looking at photos of children that are waiting to be adopted, adoption websites, blogs of parents who have fostered or adopted... but most of it is not helping (although the blogs do.) It kills me that so much comes down to money. If we had tons of money we could hire a surrogate and have a lot of control over the situation (not all - but a lot). If we had less money - but still quite a bit - we could do domestic adoption and have some control (not much, but some.) But because we spent our money TTC, we need to wait for the foster system and we have no control... Hopefully our finances will be recouped shortly - but by then, we'll have completed our homestudy with the state. After a certain period of time (we think six months, we'll learn more when we attend classes) the homestudy becomes "ours" so we can take it to a private adoption agency. So the plan is that we'll pursue the foster-care system and see if this is God's plan. If by the time the homestudy becomes free we have not had a placement from DCYF, then we'll pursue the adoption through an agency or surrogacy. But in the meantime I have to continue to learn the lessons God has apparently been trying to teach me througout my adult-life. That I need to trust Him and wait on Him and that is all I need to be doing...

Life moves on

So we finally heard from DCYF today about Foster-Care. They have our paperwork and the letters of recommendation from the friends and relatives. The next step is the classes and home study. Apparently they do these kind of together - using the combination to help determine the best situation for you and future children put in your care. I'm nervous about foster care - I'm not sure I would be able to give a child back to parents who were abusive or neglectful to a child - especially since the average stay for foster care is just over a year! But it just seems fitting that we are a family that is longing for a child and there are children that need loving homes...

We still have one frozen embryo (snowbaby) but I just don't know if I can deal with the emotional minefield that transfer would hold. We could go through the preparation and find that we lost this one in the thaw, and we would know until the morning of the transfer. To only transfer one lowers the odds that it will work and we've already been through this five times - and all with two embryos... Each time it gets harder to build up hope and each time the devistation is harder at the end. So we're keeping it frozen - it won't be destroyed! We'll transfer it and take the chances before we let that happen - but for now we need to put it away.

BFN - really

So it didn't work. I woke up at three in the morning on Saturday and couldn't sleep - so I tested - BFN. I came back to bed and couldn't sleep so I turned on the TV - and cried. Bart was wonderful - he stayed awake with me for most of the night even though I kept watching chick flicks and crying. I was devistated - even though I previously tested. There's a finality and foreverness about this time that hit me very hard. (I kept saying it was a vast conspiracy - I tried to keep the TV on light romance or anything that did not have babies on it - but yet I was watching a home improvement show and they announced it was for a "new mom" - it's been a running joke for a couple of days - ever since we were watching Orange County Chopper and they announced that one of the guys wives was pregnant with twins!) I've been finally able to turn my hopes to being a foster parent - we may look at domestic adoption too - either way we need the home study that we're waiting to have scheduled.